Being Pronounced Cancer Free: Priceless

News from the hospital: all good
Level of relief: immeasurable!!

After months and months of holding my breath waiting to find out whether or not the cancer had returned and spread since finishing chemotherapy 6 months ago, finally the day came on Friday to find out.

Sitting in the waiting room at the hospital waiting to hear my name called out to go in and see my oncologist and hear the news was one of the most tense experiences of my life. It didn’t help that the clinic was running half an hour late so I had to wait even longer, but then that’s pretty normal for hospitals really. Finally, I was called through into one of the examination rooms to wait for him to finish with his previous patient. At that point it felt so near, but still so far from finding out. Within minutes he came in though and immediately said that it was all good news, so I could stop worrying. The relief!! He then sat down and explained that the MRI scan had shown no spots on my bowel at all this time which, because it was done in at a different point in my menstrual cycle, indicated almost without doubt that what they had seen in the first MRI scan 4 months ago was endometriosis. (See the NHS Direct website for a more detailed explanation of what endometriosis is). Plus, the blood tests I did last week showed that my CA125 level is 12, which is pretty much the lowest it’s ever been in the whole of the 3 years I’ve been ill for (35 is the upper range of normal).

It was just the most amazing news to get, and yet I almost felt like I was in a fog while he was talking. When we left and came home both Justin and I sat there completely shell-shocked. I think we had both been so tense beforehand that, although we were both ecstatically happy with the news, neither of us could quite process it. 2 days on and I still feel a bit weird about it to be honest. I feel like I should be jumping for joy and running around shouting and laughing about it, but I just feel a bit numb. I think that after 3 years of setbacks and bad news it’s just hard to comprehend that something has finally turned out the way it should. Mind you, I think after that amount of time I was certainly due to have my luck turn!

I know it’s just going to take a bit of time to sink in, and for the tension of the last 4 months or so to dissipate. When I think about the fact that (at the moment) the cancer appears to have gone, the amazement and relief I feel is indescribable, and yet in a tiny corner of my mind is the thought ‘is it going to come back at some point, and if so when will that point be?’ It’s a pretty natural reaction to have after going through much and I know that with time, even though it will never go completely, it’s something that will slip further and further to the back of my mind. For the moment though it all looks really good, and there’s no reason to suspect the chemotherapy hasn’t killed the cancer off this time.

In practical terms it all means that I can now move to having check-ups at the hospital every 3 months, which will involve having blood tests done and being examined to keep monitoring for signs of the cancer. Every so often I’ll also have another scan just to be certain. It seems amazing to have finally reached the point where I only go back to the hospital for check-ups! It’s quite a milestone to reach. I’ve certainly reached another milestone too: 6 months after the first course of chemotherapy they found that the cancer had come back. Now I’m back at the 6 month mark after my second course of chemo, only this time there is no sign of it. Long may that continue!

Em