From Cancer Patient To Mum

Number of months since finishing chemo: 19
Current CA125 level: 17
Number of weeks I have been a Mum: 8
Mood: Ridiculously happy, if a little tired!

It has been a long time since I last wrote, but to be honest I had contemplated not adding anymore entries to this blog and just leaving it as a completed experience of me going through treatment for recurrent ovarian cancer. Then I thought about it and realised not only is that unrealistic because the experience is never over, but also that the start of the new chapter in my life has really come with the birth of my beautiful baby girl, Molly.

Yes, on 15th June I become a Mum! I had a gorgeous little girl who was worth every single last minute of the operations, chemotherapy, scans, tests and appointments that it took for me to be well enough to have her. Considering everything my body has been through, the remainder of the pregnancy since my last entry went pretty well. The cyst on my left ovary that was causing problems dissipated on its own so I didn't need to get it drained, and I had no more bleeds which was another big relief. Other than that I just had the typical side effects of pregnancy: morning sickness, nosebleeds, dizziness, tiredness etc. The last trimester was pretty hard going though having not that long finished a second course of chemo, and I became quite drained and exhausted. I also developed symphysis pubis dysfunction (see the Baby Centre website for a more detailed explanation of what SPD is), which was incredibly painful and meant that I couldn't walk for the last few weeks before the birth, but it was all so so worth it. After 3 days in slow labour, and then 18 hours in established labour I finally gave birth to a tiny baby girl who couldn't have been more perfect.

The last 8 weeks have been exhausting with all the sleep deprivation and incessant feeding and nappy changes, but it is just so brilliant to be exhausted for a really good reason for once! Of course while the operations and chemotherapy are finally behind me, the check ups are going to be a part of my life for a long time to come. My last check up was in May, just a few weeks before Molly was born, and thankfully everything was still looking good. My CA125 level (the protein in your blood that is sometimes produced by ovarian cancer cells and therefore can be an indicator of ovarian cancer) was 17, which seeing as the upper range of normal is 35 I was really pleased with. My next oncology appointment is in a few weeks time, and hopefully things will have carried on in a similarly good manner in the last 3 months, and will continue to do so for years and years to come.

Becoming a Mum has given me a new 'label' so people don't look at me and foremost see a cancer patient, but it has also provided me with new concerns. Now I fear what would happen if the cancer came back, and how it would affect Molly. I want to make sure I'm around to see her grow up and lead what I've no doubt is going to be a fantastic life, so the thought of the cancer coming back is even more worrying. I also wonder whether my having had ovarian cancer is going to put her more at risk of developing it too. The thought of her ever having to go through what I have is just unbearable.

Still, hopefully all those worries are just academic - I am going to stay well now, and Molly is going to lead a long, happy life too. I just hope that she grows up to have the same amazing support network around her that I've got. I have fantastic friends and an even more amazing husband with whom I now have an incredible daughter. I may have been diagnosed with cancer at 25 but I would like to think that I haven't let it control my life, it's just that I have ended up following a different path to the one I anticipated. And, while I may have got to this point the hard way, I'm now healthy and have my own family - you can't get better than that.

Em